How to Talk to Your Friends and Family About Adoption
A favorite quote we have at Show Hope comes from our Co-founder Mary Beth Chapman. In speaking about adoption, Mary Beth has often said, “Adoption is gloriously hard.” Those four words hold such beauty, complexity, and truth. Yes, adoption is rooted in unconditional love, yet that love is born out of loss. In fact, many children who have been impacted by adoption have experienced abuse, trauma, neglect, and early attachment injuries. So it is no wonder that talking about adoption with your friends and family can be challenging. Whether you are a parent or caregiver, an adoptee, or someone who is interested in exploring what it means to care holistically for children, you may find yourself asking, How do I even begin to talk about adoption? The following are some thoughts to guide you in your conversations with friends and family.
Begin with your “why.”
Before a conversation with others, take time to reflect on your own desires. Are you simply asking for prayer? Are you hoping your friends and family will better understand adoption? Are you wanting to advocate well for children and families? Or perhaps you want to process your and/or your family’s experience and story. When we begin with honesty and faithfulness, our words will carry more weight and be more impactful.
Focus on the story, not statistics.
Numbers, processes, costs, and timelines are integral pieces of the adoption journey, but data points like these are not what typically compel us to act. Instead, it’s a story … a face … a lived experience that really speaks the loudest to our hearts and minds, and in sharing our stories, that personal aspect will oftentimes move others to action.
Lean into the hard.
When we talk about adoption honestly and openly, we hold both beauty and brokenness. It is OK to acknowledge the grief of a birth family or the trauma an adoptee may have as well as the costs associated with adoption or how hard the waiting and processes can be. Not only is it OK, it is needed. Remember, when we do this, we are coming to our family and friends in the fullest of integrity and dignity.
Welcome questions.
Your friends and family are going to ask really good, thoughtful questions. There will also be some who may be harsh or critical. In both instances, choose grace. Look at every question and conversation as an opportunity to advocate and educate, potentially reshaping entire narratives or notions about adoption. Yet also give yourself permission not to engage in unhealthy conversations. Instead, you might point someone to resources to learn more, like HowToAdopt.org, ShowHope.org, “Adopted for Life” by Dr. Russell Moore, and “The Connected Child” by Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross along with Wendy Lyons Sunshine.
Talking to your friends and family about adoption can be hard, particularly when it is intertwined with your personal story or experience. But in those conversations, you have the opportunity to educate your circle, advocate for children who may not yet have a voice, and even reflect the love and grace of Christ. As the old saying goes, “Nothing worth doing is easy.”
Today, you can learn more about adoption at HowToAdopt.org.
