Understanding Avoidant Attachment

An Introduction to Avoidant Attachment

In the past few weeks, we have unpacked attachment theory, paying close attention to both secure attachment and anxious attachment. Today, we are going to take a closer look at avoidant attachment. To begin building a better understanding of avoidant attachment, let’s start with what it looks like in babies or children. According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Babies and children avoidant attachment style don’t actively seek comfort from their caregiver. They might not reject comfort when offered, but they tend to avoid interactions in general. Children with avoidant attachment style typically show no preference between a primary caregiver and a complete stranger.”

Avoidant Attachment in Adults 

In adulthood, avoidant attachment can oftentimes look like self-confidence and self-sufficiency. And according to The Attachment Project, “This is because the avoidant attachment style causes a low tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy and, sometimes, struggles with building long-lasting relationships. Furthermore, in the workplace, adults with avoidant attachment are often seen as the independent, ‘lone wolf’ type. However, due to their self-sufficiency, they may also be high-achievers.” In addition, the Cleveland Clinic identifies the following signs of avoidant attachment style in adults. 

• Feeling a strong sense of independence. 
• Dismiss others easily. 
• Have difficulty trusting others. 
• Feel uneasy when people try to get close to you. 
• Avoid intimacy (emotional or physical). 
• Have commitment issues. 

Hope and Healing

As The Attachment Project points out, “It is possible to heal from the avoidant attachment style. With increased understanding, the correct strategies, and therapy when needed, adults with the avoidant attachment style can form healthier outlooks and behaviors, and develop a more secure attachment style.” With insight and practical tools and strategies, like Trust-Based Relational Intervention^® (or TBRI^®), you, too, can begin building a more secure attachment style within your children and teens.

TBRI is an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to specifically meet the complex needs of children who have experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, or loss. But the truth is, no matter your child’s or teen’s history, TBRI is beneficial for all. TBRI not only addresses attachment needs, but it also addresses physical needs and offers principles for disarming fear-based behaviors that are often mistaken as “bad behaviors” or defiance. 

Additional Resources

Children and teens need to know they are safe, secure, valued, and loved, yet there are many needs that are often overlooked with traditional parenting models. If you are in need of further tools and resources, whether it be developing secure attachment within your children and teens or more in-depth training and equipping, we encourage you to learn more about our Pre+Post Adoption Support work, including our new online platform, Hope for the Journey.