Show Hope Book Club: The Connected Therapist

The Connected Therapist

“Children have inherent worth regardless of how society might try to quantify their development. This isn’t a book about helping parents raise perfect kids. It’s a book about loving imperfect people, ourselves included,” author Marti Smith writes. “It’s about being compassionate, having empathy, and doing the best we can while striving to learn more because when we know better, we do better.”

Chapter 1: From Dissociation to Connection

• The book states that “we need dissociation to reach a state of rest and recovery.” What tools do you use to reach this state of rest and recovery?

Chapter 2: Moving From Behavior Management to Relational Understanding

• Think about the idea of normal being subjective. What are some examples of this from your own life?

Chapter 3: Somatosensory Regulation

• “Regulating is a state of monitoring, not a state of being; it is not a state of being. … We want our clients to be able to self-monitor their level of calm or alert, and self-adjust that level based on the current context.”
  • How is this idea different from traditional or popular parenting models?
• When have you attempted to avoid big feelings yourself? Have you been tempted to dismiss your child’s big feelings? How could you react to those differently?

Chapter 4: Sensory Preferences, Neural Pathways, and Critical Windows of Development

• The author describes how we are meant to have unpleasant experiences paired with being helped to find comfort. Describe a time in your life when you experienced this pairing.
• The book uses the analogy of cows in a pasture creating paths through the grass to describe the development of neural pathways. The analogy of lawn mower is used to describe the impact of a high-emotion experience. Can you identify any of these “lawn mowers” for yourself or your child?

Chapter 5: Calming or Alerting

• Discuss the quote, “Children do well when they can” (page 60).
• Look at the two questions listed on pages 74 and 75 (What sensory benefit does this have? How can it be modified?), and apply them to a sensory-based behavior you have seen in your child.

Chapter 6: Sensory Processing

• Think about yourself and your sensory preferences. Do you lean toward being sensory-seeking or sensory-defensive?

Chapter 7: The Hidden Senses

• How can you create a sensory obstacle course in your home, office, or classroom that is both alerting and calming?
• Describe the differences between the three hidden senses (proprioception, vestibular, interoception).

Chapter 8: The Kindergarten Senses

• Gustatory
  • Do meal times in your home tend to focus on nutrition or nurturing? How can you incorporate more nurturing and connection?
• Olfactory
  • Discuss the statement, “Memory and smell are intertwined to help ensure our survival” (page 150). Where have you experienced this in your life?
• Tactile
  • Describe examples of both alerting and calming touch.
• Auditory
  • Other than music, where do you experience rhythmic sounds throughout your day?
• Visual
  • What is one visually calming change that you can make in your home, classroom, or office?

Chapter 9: Sensory Diet Suggestions

• Where could you create a sensory room or sensory path in your space? What resources do you already have could you incorporate?

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Join us in May as we discuss “The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.