An Intricate Journey: Thoughts on Adoption From One Big Sister

My family adopted for the first time when I was in the third grade, and then again when I was in middle school. Through the difficult and beautiful process of bringing my sisters home from China, God intentionally formed my family—and he also intentionally formed me. In particular, growing up in an adoptive family expanded my perspective to see a world of intertwining beauty and brokenness beyond my backyard, and it challenged me to take Christ-led steps toward change-making. It also provided a beautiful model of what it looks like to be a part of a family that is imperfect but perfectly loved. 

My sister MaeLin has been home from China for nearly 12 years now, and Kristiana for almost 10. I am so grateful to be their big sister and to be able to love them every single day. I am also grateful for the impact adoption had on my heart as a kid. When I was 8 and we began the process of bringing MaeLin home, conversations with my parents taught me more and more about the need for adoption. I learned about the Lord’s heart for those who are vulnerable and also about the complex situations that can lead to a child in need of a permanent family. Through these conversations, I gained a distinct awareness that we live in a broken world, and the Lord has invited us individually and collectively to partner with him in restoration. 

During our family’s adoption processes, I remember my parents encouraging my siblings and I to participate in what God was doing in our family and to advocate for the needs of all children who were vulnerable. They led me to pray every night for my sisters and the other children in the care centers with them. I remember sharing photos of MaeLin and Kristiana’s sweet faces with my classmates at school and even hosting a lemonade stand at the bottom of our driveway to raise money for our adoption costs. In all of these ways, I was brought into what the Lord was doing. I saw on a very personal level how deeply God cares and also how he invites us—even at age 8—to care right alongside him. The Lord takes our meager offerings, our loaves and fishes, and he multiplies them and uses them for good. It’s such an encouragement for me now to look back on our adoption processes and the definitive ways God used me in his kingdom work of restoration. 

Last spring, one of my mentors asked me what it’s like to have siblings who came home through adoption. I struggled to come up with a response for her. My family is what I know. It is my frame of reference. Finally, months later, I think I’ve settled on an answer to this elusive question. Being part of an adoptive family is an intricate journey full of both beauty and struggle. But there is beauty and struggle in every family’s story. So being a part of an adoptive family is really not so different at all. My sisters are just that—my sisters. We laugh, we fight, we do each others’ hair or nails, and above all, we love each other. 

This is not to say our family has not made any adjustments in the way we operate since bringing my sisters home. MaeLin and Kristiana each have unique needs, and we work to accommodate and support them in varying ways. It’s not so different, though, from my family having grace with the things I need as someone with a chronic illness or the things my brother needs, as someone with asthma. You make adjustments for the people you love. Part of family is about compromise, about empathy, about learning to serve one another even when it’s challenging. It’s also about remembering that when we fall short—which we do—we remain perfectly loved by God. In our weaknesses, he is strong. And as we depend on him, he holds us together. God is glorified through the ways each of our families come together and love one another … and even in our most difficult moments, we remain perfectly loved by him. 

I am so grateful for the way the Lord wove my family’s story together using adoption. Having the responsibility and honor of loving MaeLin and Kristiana has been such a joy for me, my other siblings, and my parents. Adoption has taught me about the heart of the Father and his desire for restoration and peace in our broken world. We all—whether 8 or 82—are called to partner with him in this kingdom work. He can use us. All we have to do is say yes.