8 Tips for Building Strong Relationships Among Your Children
As parents and caregivers, we have the opportunity to help build strong relationships among our children. Sibling relationships can be complicated with rivalries and squabbles, and in many ways, these challenges are natural and as old as time. (Remember Cain and Abel? OK, that’s an extreme example.) However, as you work to build connection and trust with your children, you can help foster that connection and trust among them, laying the foundation for healthy, strong relationships in the future.
Set an example.
A great place to start in helping to build a strong relationship among your children is you. Think about your relationships with your spouse or significant other, your own siblings, and your friends. Do your children or teens see relationships marked by connection and trust or just the opposite?
Designate times for them to be together.
In TBRI® (Trust-Based Relational Intervention®), engagement strategies include one-on-one time for the parent and child, but this one-on-one time can be crucial for siblings’ relationship. For this time, encourage play that does not involve screens. This could include puzzles, board or card games, or outside play.
Implement Life Value Terms in your home.
TBRI Life Value Terms are short scripts that create a shared language of respect in homes as well as in classrooms and small groups. Life Value Terms are most effective when modeled and taught proactively. The Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU (KPICD) provides free printable TBRI Life Value Terms.
Foster teamwork.
With chores inside and outside the home, encourage your children to work together in teams to accomplish tasks and projects. And be sure to recognize and praise their hard work and teamwork.
Put them in charge of family activities.
Much like teamwork with chores, empower your children to work together in planning occasional family activities. For example, with family game night, let your children decide on the game and get everything set up for the evening. For movie night, allow them to choose the movie and be in charge of the snacks. And even consider letting them plan a family outing.
Be attentive to conflicts.
With lower-level conflicts, like simple arguments and disagreements, remain attentive to ensure situations do not escalate too quickly. In these moments, encourage open and respectful communication, and point to apologies, compromises, and re-dos to resolve conflicts. And remember to reinforce, “When it’s done, it’s done.”
Consider age differences.
If your children range in ages, ensure the older sibling(s) is never bossy or overbearing with the younger sibling(s). Empower your older children to be encouraging, nurturing, and protective. As you strive to be a coach rather than a warden with your children, encourage your older children to take on that role too. Also with the age differences, make sure activities are age-appropriate for each sibling involved.
Remember your one-on-one time.
As your children grow in their relational bonds, be sure you still spend one-on-one time with each child. And in that mindfulness, be sure your children each have their own space and/or alone/down time, especially if they are sharing a room together. Maybe it’s a tent bed or a special storage space that’s only theirs. As important as it is to spend time together, drawing lines and boundaries for personal space is important as well.
When we help to build strong relationships among our children, we are setting them up for success outside the home—in their friendships, at school, and within your church and community. You are also laying the groundwork for healthy relationships for them as adults. So much of TBRI moves beyond your relationship with your children, it establishes a shared connection and trust among the entire family. You can learn more about TBRI and its guiding principles of Connecting, Empowering, and Correcting through Show Hope’s learning online platform, Hope for the Journey.
